A few years ago, Fantasia released a single mama’s anthem and Beyonce did a shout out to all the single ladies. Fantasia acknowledged all her girls “who get no help, who gotta do everything by yourself, remember what don’t kill you can only make you stronger.” Beyonce’s attitude was “you had your turn, but if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.” Being a mature, single mother these days can be overwhelming — very little sleep, erratic eating habits, days filled with stressors of work, home and/or school and the daunting feeling of knowing that you’re having to do it all alone. You’re the nurturer, provider, teacher, protector, role model and disciplinarian. You’re having to manage doctor’s appointments and school events, running and maintaining the house, the car, the finances, making sure you’re doing your best to find appropriate playmates for your child, and eventually find some time to address your own emotional and social needs. But the reality is, there is very little “mommy” time available on the daily activity chart.
I have been a single mother since month five of my pregnancy, so I know very well how lonely and overwhelming, but ever so important my job is as a single parent. I understand wanting help, I understand desiring adult conversation and company, but I also understand who and whose I am! Every so often I am asked the following questions: “are you dating,” “why aren’t you dating,” “don’t you desire to be married,” and the one that tops all, “aren’t you concerned how your singleness may affect your daughter?” Not all of us chose to be single parents. Some of us are here due to divorce or death of a spouse. Some are parenting their children’s children and then there are those of us who became anxious or fell prey to deceit, lies and lust. The issue isn’t how you got here, but rather, how will you navigate this road now that you are.
There really is joy in serving and honoring Christ in your singleness. For some reason, this seems to be such a foreign concept in this day and time. Many of us didn’t learn as young adults how to date properly or how to honor God in our temple. And, while some of the young ladies were being taught that lesson, oftentimes our young men were either not being taught — or held to — the same standards. There are many mistakes I wish I hadn’t made, things I wish I could undo, but I am grateful for the learning experiences they brought about. We were given a new commandment — to love the Lord our God with all our heart, our soul, our mind and strength and then to love our neighbors as ourselves. If you are single, why not take this time to really dedicate your heart and your desires to God. Allow Him to be Lord of your life and the lover of your soul. We have to be careful not to allow society to dictate our standards, our values and our worth. Society tells us we’re nobody until somebody loves us, but we know the world’s standard and definition of love. There is no greater love than that of our heavenly Father. God says He is a jealous God and would have us place no one or nothing above Him. Oftentimes, we don’t realize that we have made our desire for a helpmate greater than our desire for God. When you have made God your heart’s desire, when He truly is first in your life, then let your prayer be that He align you with such a mate who has also made God first in his life. God created us for partnership and fellowship, but God also has an order, a design for right relationships. Seek His wisdom. We have to first be what we want to receive and, it is in knowing how to love and reverence God that you and your mate will truly know how to love, respect and cherish each another. God Is LOVE.
Ladies, I know how difficult this is, but I send encouragement your way today — don’t compromise. I know you’re saying, that’s easier said than done, but do know you are not alone. We have to take up our crosses daily, die to self and live Truth! Begin to pray daily for single mothers and those single ladies desiring a mate. In so doing, you will be doing unto others as you would have done to you. Take comfort in knowing that when you’re praying for someone else, someone is also praying for you! In the meantime, I offer these words of encouragement I received from a single mother’s support ministry. I hope you draw strength, comfort and encouragement from them as I did and will continue to do while walking the path of singleness! Be blessed, be encouraged, be strong in the power of His might. He’s Able!
Your Heavenly Father is your strength. He is your power. He is your provider, the very lover of your soul. For every time, you have felt weak, His word says that He is strong.
For every time you have felt lonely, His word says He places the lonely in families. For every time you have been saddened by the lack of a father for your child, His word says He is a father to the fatherless.
For every time you have felt that you wouldn’t have enough, His word says He provides for all your needs. For every time you have felt abandoned, His word promises that He will never leave you nor forsake you.
For every time it seemed the weight of this world was too much to bear … remember, “His yoke is easy and His burden is light.” He is more than enough for you and your child(ren). He provides your joy, your strength, your peace. He makes the weak strong, provides rest for the weary, and gives hope to the hopeless! He bottles every tear you have cried. His heart aches when yours does. He loves you. You are more than enough through Him. You are complete in Him. You are able, because He is more than able!